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6 ways to raise your sense of self worth

 

I remember when, 3 years ago, my mentor and now soul sister Ellany asked me during our first coaching call: “Who are you, really?”. I gasped.
I had decided to hire her to explore better ways for me to run and grow my business, after a few intense years of too much work that led to burnout both mental and physical. 
As I was still looking for the words few minutes after she asked, she said: 
“First of all, Eli, you are a loving being”. 
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Ellany and I, October 2017
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And I burst into tears, because it was something that was so true, but I had never acknowledged it as something worthy of attention or praise. Until then, I was attributing my value only to my external achievements. 
That conversation opened for me a quest for worthiness that has been/is as long and challenging as it is rewarding and absolutely fulfilling and worth the ride.
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The good news is that worthiness can be built, strengthened, trained, nurtured. In many ways.
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I remember how much shame there was around this feeling of unworthiness, that made things even more difficult and added some loneliness to the mix.
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Fast forward, after some years into this quest, absolutely fab mentors, lots of books and field experiments, I don't have everything figured out all the time, BUT I have found ways that have helped me raise my sense of worthiness and purpose, and I would like to share them with you: My wish is that they resonate and you can pick some or all of them, experiment with them and use them as a tool box for when you need. 
Take what resonates, leave the rest.
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  • CONNECTION

  • captured by my dear @Ilona_Antina_Photography 
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    Being an introvert, hermit like artist and highly sensitive person, I am very selective with my friendships and this has caused me to isolate at times. I am learning how to open up a bit while still honoring my true essence and this is what I do now.
    • Power circle morning check ins: In the years, I have built a circle of good friends (most of them live abroad or travel a lot) and I love to do a morning check in with them (individually). Every other day or twice a week, or weekly, depending on the friend, I make sure to get in touch,  to see how they are and let them know they are loved and appreciated, and that I am there for them. A text goes a long way if it’s intentional and heartfelt and builds presence and trust between us even if we’re miles aways at the moment. This can also be applied to family members.
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      If at the moment you don’t have any friends you can reach out to (it happened to me too at some point in my life, because I had moved abroad or could not find my true tribe), here are two things that I did and worked very well:
      • Check if there is a GGI group near you: Girl Gone International is a thriving, fast growing worldwide community of 500,000+ international women with local communities in over 200 cities. GGI was founded by Anne Scott in 2010 as a way to overcome her own social isolation while living overseas and has since grown into an identity, a way of life, friendship and belonging. I met so many friends through GGI. And this past year, as we were not able to travel, there have been so many online events that any woman can join, no matter from where in the world. And in the Facebook feed, I have seen amazing, heartfelt and empowering conversations going on.
      • Use Instagram as a True-Tribe-Finder: If used with intention, it’s an amazing way to reach out to people who truly are your tribe, that will make you feel seen and heard. Reach out genuinely to people who inspire and uplift you. This platform is designed in a way that the connection you make is personal and private, and has worked very well for me to create friendships and connections that make me feel seen, valued, and that I belong.  
      • Join safe, inspiring, heart warming online (or live) events where you feel like you BELONG (for your values, lifestyle, dreams) like this workshop lead by my friend and muse Vienda and her friend Claire: Meet Your inspiration: a business ritual workshop. It’s free and I sense you’ll love the “Meet your Inner Muse” meditation. 
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    • CONTINUOUS LEARNING

    • Find a topic you absolutely ADORE and dream of learning more about, and start researching. It can be anything from gardening to art, to styling, Astrology or cooking. If it’s about a passion job or business you’d like to start, even better. And then start immersing yourself in it through books/audiobooks, blogs, podcasts. This novelty creates new pathways in your brain that will help you become a more empowered version of you, one day at a time.  Now learning is very accessible and most times, free. Knowing that you’re taking a step into a future, better version of you will make you feel better, and more empowered. To me, it was learning fashion design after a career in marketing, then teaching myself textile pattern design, and now is Neuroplasticity and it makes me feel I am evolving and using all my gifts for a purpose.
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    • POWER POSING & TRAINING

    • Our body position influences others and even our own brain and feelings.
      In her book Presence, Amy Cuddy explains how we can work on power posing to improve our sense of self esteem. You can find her Tedx Talk here.
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      This is also one of the reasons why I love The Studio LifeStyle barre training by my friend Zora. Designed to make you feel beautiful and confident, these online classes did improve my posture and confidence A LOT. You can now subscribe to a monthly membership for only 20€ (not sponsored, I just observed so many benefits). 
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    • POWER DRESSING
    • Wearing a piece of clothing that really makes you feel GOOD (and good can mean comfortable, free, powerful, cheerful, capable… anything you choose). For me, power dressing is my Turquoise dress I’m wearing in this photo, a symbol of a dream come true and my ability to bring dreams to life (living in Mallorca, having my own creative business).

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    • PET THERAPY

    • Several years ago, I got my Master degree in Ethology (Animal Behaviour) and Pet Therapy In Barcelona, so I know that there are many studies about how bonding with pets boost our sense of self worth and reliefs anxiety;  from my own experience with adopting my cat Tigro 2 years ago, I can say that living with a pet is one of the most soothing, grounding and peaceful experiences. They are themselves role models of self worth and gratitude, and are fully present in everything they do. 
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      • CREATING AN ACTION BOARD
      I have been creating Manifestation/Inspiration boards for years, to keep my attention on what I was creating in my life.
      And this year I got lucky enough to meet Dr Tara Swart who is a brilliant neuroscientist, former psychiatrist with a PhD in neuropharmacology: in her book The Source, she explains the neuroscience behind the manifestation process, and how Action Boards have an important role in the process of bringing our dreams to life. If you’re looking for an empowering read, this is the one.  Tara and I became friends and we’re currently working on her Dream Dress (more to come :) 
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      I hope this article is useful to you. I would love to hear your thoughts, and what resonates the most. If you have any questions or would like me to go deeper on any of these topics, please DM me and I’ll get back to you.
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      With all the love,
      Eli